


From Darkness, Light

by ausmac



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Possible Non-con Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:05:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ausmac/pseuds/ausmac
Summary: When Khadgar is taken by Gul'dan, he is robbed of something irreplaceable.The start of something possibly, as a little tribute to Thesseli and her delightful Fel Mage.  She mentioned liking Dark, so here is the real thing.





	1. Into Darkness

“Khadgar.  Stand.”

He turned towards the hated voice, then stood, wavering a little.  He heard the rustle of cloth and leather, the broken shuffle of large feet and he flinched as a hand came to rest under his chin.  One big thumb stroked across the dampness on his cheeks. 

It isn’t tears, he tells himself that, it’s just the constant flush of moisture from his eyes.  But Gul’dan didn’t seem to care whether it was tears or not as he stroked marked skin and ran the thumb across Khadgar’s eyelids.  “Open them.”

And he did, but it didn’t matter, the darkness was just as black.

Because the first thing that Gul’dan did when Khadgar fell to him was to blind him.  The pain from that white explosion of felmagic had been terrible, almost as terrible as the knowledge that he’d never see Lothar’s face again. 

Assuming he lived long enough to really start regretting the loss.

He’d been too shattered to pay much note to what was said or done to him that first day.  Just staying sane was hard enough when his constant living nightmare was filled with real monsters, when he never knew what touched him, or hurt him, when sleep was the only kindly place.  Asleep, he dreamed, and there was no blindness in dreams.  When he woke, when he started to feel that whirpool of dread sucking him down, he latched on to the memory of Lothar.  _Be strong, like Lothar is.  Don’t give in, fight like he would._ So if they pushed or pulled him from place to place, he went unresisting but he wouldn’t beg or whine.  And he didn’t cry.  They weren’t tears.  Not really.

Gul’dans hand slid down and settled around his throat.  He’d put a collar there on the first day, something metallic, Khadgar’s fingers felt gems on it and maybe inscriptions.  Whatever it was, he couldn’t call on any power, even if he’d known what to encant. 

“My orcs tell me you’re hardly touching the food.  Trying to starve yourself, young mage?”

“No.  I’m…not hungry.”

“Well, find your appetite.  You’ll need your strength soon, and you’re already fragile enough.” The hand was removed and he heard Gul’dan turn.  “Oh, by the way, your lover is still searching for you.  He’s persistent, I’ll give him that much.  I’ve set a trap or two for him and if he stumbles into any of them, I’ll take him as well.  I have some interesting ideas and he’d make a very suitable subject for some of them.  The two of you will provide me with…opportunities…”


	2. Touching Shadows

Khadgar wasn’t accustomed to being helpless.  His was an independent spirit, used to action and – as Lothar had frequently observed – often impulsive.  Yet in that place and time he could be neither.  Impulse was replaced by constraint, and independence was lost with his sight.  He had to be shown where plates of food were put, and cups of water were shoved in his hands.   He was treated well enough by the Orcs responsible for his care, beyond the occasional shove or overly-strong grip by big hands.  When they became impatient with his stumbling walk, he was picked up and carried, and finally left alone somewhere to rest. 

Khadgar sat where he’d been dropped for a time but inactivity finally stirred him back to the present.  He rarely sat still for any length of time except to read….the thought of that made his chest grow miserably tight.  _No more books.  No more opening the pages of something new and exciting._ He fought the distress back before it could choke him and stood, swaying a little, and finally began a tentative exploration.  Where he sat turned out to be a low bed built of a lattice of ropes knotted and tied onto a wooden frame, with a filled pad and furs on top.  When he touched the floor it wasn’t floor but earth, dusty hard-packed soil covered with dried plant material and rugs of tanned leather.  He moved about, sliding his feet to avoid tripping, arms up and out, feeling his way around what turned out to be a large tent.  The walls were also leather, fitted over dead tree limbs, with hanging lanterns he bumped his head into, the roof beyond his reach.  He stumbled into things on the ground, boxes used for storage or put to use as small tables, bundles of unidentifiable items, chests and locked metal boxes.  One of the tent walls was a door flap but when he fumbled it open an orc grunted at him and pushed him back in. 

So he found his way back to the bed, sat down and started to assess his situation.  He was blind, yes, but he had his other senses and he began use them.

He listened.  There, someone screaming.  And there, an open fire, burning wood cracking and spitting.  And the tramp of big feet, and metal being beaten on a forge somewhere.  A wolf’s howl, someone laughing, shrieking something in Orcish.  So he was in an orc encampment, which could be anywhere but was likely to be near the now-silent portal gateway.  There was no echo in the sound of voices so they were probably in an open area, and some of the voices were fairly distant.  A large encampment then.

There were lots of smells, too.  Meat cooking, the stink of a privy, the sour, dark taint of Fel.  That was everywhere, he realised, like mist that hung in the air. His sense of touch noted the cool flow of air over his skin, the slight dampness that hinted at evening or early night.  At least the second since he’d been caught.  So that was two days he’d been missing, and at least one since some form of intensive search would have got underway.

Assuming the information gathered by his other senses was correct, at least he knew a little more of his situation.  None of it gave him any comfort.  Being brutally honest, as things stood Khadgar knew he had no way of escaping by himself.  Physically he was tied to a stumbling walk.  And without access to his magic, he couldn’t attack or defend, even if he could target.  And should the Lord Commander have sufficient forces to get close enough, the chances of finding him and getting him out were tiny.  But hope was hard to discard.  It was about all he had left.

 _There has to be a way.  If I can't see with my eyes, is there any other kind of sight?_   He chased the problem around with no answer until he realised nothing would come of it while he was tired and tense.  He finally lay down on the bed, pulled one of the furs across himself, and fell asleep.

He dreamed again, confused images of dark forests, of searching for something just out of his reach, stumbling over hidden tree roots and running, just running, towards a sunrise he knew he’d never see…


	3. Sharing the Dark

He came awake being shaken by a large hand and a gruff command spoken in Orcish.  Before he could struggle off the bed he was pulled up and tossed over a shoulder.  Patience wasn’t something Orcs seem to have a lot of.

The Orc jogged along with his human baggage bouncing against his body and Khadgar coughed and tried to wipe his dry, caked mouth.  He hadn’t had any food or water since the day before and he was very dry and hungry.  Finally the Orc arrived at his destination and lowered Khadgar to the ground.  He waited, hearing various Orc voices and then one very familiar one spoke close by. 

“See, Commander.  I’ve brought someone to see you.”

Shock struck like a punch to Khadgar’s stomach at the same moment as another much loved voice called out.

“Khadgar!”

He turned towards Anduin’s voice, putting a hand out as he shuffled forward.  “Anduin!  I’m here…”

Gul’dan’s big hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back.  “Not quite yet, mage.  The Commander and I were having a discussion.  I’d put an offer to him, and he refused it.  I wanted to see if he might be persuaded to change his mind.”

“What offer?” Khadgar wriggled in the tight grip.  “Anduin, don’t listen….”

A hand covered his mouth.  “Shsh.  Let me explain.  You see, I’d like to test a theory of mine.  I know that humans can take and use the Fel – your late Guardian proved that.  But he was a mage and was familiar with various forms of power.  I’m curious to see if a normal non-magical human can accept it, as my orcs do.  So I offered the Fel to the Commander.”  Gul’dan chuckled, still controlling Khadgar.  “He failed to see the benefits of my idea.”  He released Khadgar, suddenly.  “Why don’t you go and persuade him.”  Gul’dan gave Khadgar’s back a relatively gentle shove, propelling him forward.

He stumbled, righted himself and contined on, sliding across the uneven ground, brought to a sudden halt by hands grabbing him.  Familiar hands, and a familiar body.

He fell against it, groaning.  “Anduin….”

Arms circled him and he pressed his face to Lothar’s chest.  He smelled _so good_ , the familiar odours of perspiration, leather and strength.  “What’s he done to you?”  One hand tipped up his face and he felt the fingers shake.  “Gods, Khadgar…what did he do?”

“I’m…I can’t see.  He took my sight.”

Rage practically radiated off the big body.  “You unspeakable bastard!”

“Listen to me.”  Khadgar pulled back, grabbing handfuls of Lothar’s clothing.  “I absolutely forbid you to do it, do you hear?  That’s an order!”

Nearly hysterical laughter rocked Lothar’s body.  “Order me, do you?  Oh Khadgar –“

He snarled then as Orc paws latched onto Khadgar and pulled him backwards.  Khadgar heard him swear an oath and then –

Pain.  Terrible pain, a wave of unspeakable agony ripped into him.  He screamed, arching backwards, falling to his knees as the attack continued, as Gul’dan’s felmagic poured into him.  He vaguely heard Anduin’s scream of denial and Gul’dan’s response… _Agree and I stop…refuse and I keep going…till he’s dead…_

And he tried to say _let me die_ but the pain wouldn’t let him do anything but shriek and it went on and on and just as he felt himself fading, slipping away towards someplace less dark, it stopped.  He lay on the ground on his side, sobbing for breath and the last thing he heard before he passed out was the sound of Lothar’s pained cries as he took the Fel…

 


	4. Revelation

_And when he opened his eyes…_ he was being held by Anduin. 

But not quite the man he’d known.

Gul’dan was saying something about the changes and sounding self-important and proud, as if twisting a decent man was something to boast of. But Khadgar ignored him, focusing his remaining senses on the body holding him.

His hands touched Anduin’s arm where it lay across his chest.  The skin was oddly textured, like well-tanned leather, slightly pebbled and thick.  A hand – much bigger than it should be – took hold of his and he felt nails, or more likely claws, stroke across his palm.  He was naked, Khadgar realised - his clothing probably torn and discarded during the change.  There was a sense of hulking power from the chest he leaned against, that rose and fell in deep surging breaths.  He let his other hand wander up the arm and stopped as it encountered spikes.  They were slick with Anduin’s blood from where they had torn through his skin.  He was streaked with blood, Khadgar realised - the transfigurations had to have been cruelly painful. He smelled of sweat and blood and the strong stink of Fel.

Khadgar rested his face against Anduin’s chest and listened to his heart beating.  He should have felt fear; the arms that held him were massively muscled and could have snapped his back in a moment.  But he didn’t.  Whatever Gul’dan had achieved, it hadn’t created a monster.  As lips touched his face and he sensed large teeth, he turned his face to Anduin and pressed his mouth to those lips.  More blood on torn lips, where two incisors had been morphed into fangs, but the kiss was gentle even so.

“One positive aspect of being blind,” Gul’dan said from nearby.  “You cannot see what is holding you or you’d be terrified.”

“No I wouldn’t,” he whispered.  “He’s still Anduin.  He wouldn’t hurt me no matter what he looks like.”

“Well, as to that…Lothar.  Kill him.”

Khadgar froze as the arms holding him shook. One of Lothar’s hands slowly slid up Khadgar’s arm and settled around his throat.  He knew he couldn’t escape, could do nothing to stop Anduin and he rested back against the broad chest.  “It’s alright.”  He was rather surprised at how calm his voice was in that moment.  “There are worst places to go than the Light.  I’m tired of being in the dark.”

The fingers rested on the skin under his chin – then pressed down on the collar and tore it away from his throat.

Khadgar reacted the moment he felt the glorious impact of the Arcane power on his mind and body.  His hands flashed up, he spoke the proper phrase and sensed the glowing sphere form around the two of them.  Gul’dan’s power hit the shield a moment later.

Falling to his knees, he dragged his fingers through the dusty ground, visualizing the portal symbols, striving for calm because he couldn’t afford mistakes; the shield was holding against Gul’dans furious assault but it couldn’t last for long.  He sensed that the portal wasn’t completely stable but it would get them at least beyond the confines of the orc encampment.  Khadgar stood, gathered the arcane power and triggered the portal.

A moment later he and Anduin disappeared in a flash of light, leaving an enraged Warlock roaring in frustration.


	5. Into the Woods

_Not my best attempt_ was Khadgar’s immediate thought as the portal deposited them in mid-air.  He tumbled down and landed on top of a large, solid body that grunted as he hit.  “Sorry.  You alright?”

There was a sharp, indrawn breath, followed by the sound of a throat clearing.  Then:  “Been better.”

The voice was deep and guttural.  Khadgar rolled off Anduin and stood, reaching out a hand to touch the man’s large body as Anduin climbed to his feet.  “How do you feel?”

“Sore.  Weird.”  A thoughtful grunt.  “Strong.”

Khadgar rubbed at his bruised throat.  “Yes, you are that.  Glad you snapped that collar before you took it off, you probably could have torn my head off.  How did you know what it was?”

“He told me.”

“Gul’dan?”

“Yes.  Said it stopped you, ummm..”  He seemed to be struggling a bit with language and Khadgar squeezed his arm. 

“Stopped me using my magic?”

“Yes, that.”  A large hand settled on his back.  “You good?”

“Yes.  Except for the blindness, I’m fine.  Bit hungry and thirsty and I really need to do a pee.”

Anduin made a rumbling sound; laughter made his chest shake.  “Go ahead, I’ll wait.”

Turning away and undoing his pants to empty the uncomfortable bladder, he continued to talk.  “Seems Gul’dan miscalculated.  He’d thought you’d be turned into a mindless beast, like some of the more badly Fel-corrupted orcs.” Finished, he tied himself up and turned back.  “But we need to move before anything else.  I’m hesitant to try another portal.  I can’t perfectly compose the sigils and we could end up a thousand feet in the air or under the ground.  But I’ll need your help – I can’t see to run.”

“Hmmph.” Anduin wrapped his hands around Khadgar’s waist and hoisted him to his chest, holding him easily in one hand.  “I’ll run, you ride.  Which way?”

“We need to get to a town.  Are we in the Black Morass – was the big portal nearby?”

Anduin grunted an affirmative.  “Right. If we head south I think there is a town there.  Lakeshire, I remember seeing it on the map in Stormwind.  Do you remember that?”

Anduin nodded, then hesitated.  “Which way is south?”

Khadgar’s hand twitched where it rested on Anduin’s chest.  His intellect was reduced by the Fel’s changes and that was a worry.  _Even if I can revert the physical effects somehow, will his mind be healed?_   There was no use worrying about it right then – survival first, worry later.  “Is it morning or afternoon?”

Anduin seemed to be thinking about it.  “Afternoon.  The sun came up long ago.”

“Right, then keep the sun on your right.  When we get to the Redridge Mountains we’ll know we’re heading the right way.”

Anduin headed off at an easy lope and Khadgar settled himself, resting his head against the nearby shoulder.  He could feel the sun on his face and as time passed it lulled him to a doze.  The release of stress, the sense of being in Anduin’s arms despite the Fel corruption, was comforting.  He came awake as Anduin stopped.  “A creek.  You need water?”

“Oh yes please.”  Anduin let him down and took him to the water and they both drank.  Anduin slid down into the creek and Khadgar could hear him thrashing about, making satisfied noises as he apparently cleaned the dried blood and muck from his body. 

“You wait here,” Anduin said, “Will get us food.”

“Ah…okay.”

He waited, washing his own hands and feet and sluicing the water over his face.  He used his tattered shirt to dry himself and was shaking the excess water out when he heard a noise in the bushes.  “Anduin?”

“Hmph.”  There was the thump of a body sitting beside him and then something small was dumped at his feet.  “There, you eat.”

Khadgar bend and felt around and finally touched something small and soft.  A rabbit.  “Erm.  It’s raw.”

“Burn it.  With your magic.”

 _Why didn’t I think of that? He’s not completely lost his mental capabilities then._   He measured the distance, stepped back and launched a small blast of fire magic.  There was a pop, a sizzle and the immediate smell of cooked meat that made his mouth water.  Khadgar sat and gingerly removed the burnt fur and tore off bits of cooked meat.  It seemed a bit disgusting sitting there chewing on a burnt rabbit carcass, but his stomach didn’t appear to care.  “You sure you don’t want some?  It’s not bad.”

“No.  I had one.”  Khadgar could hear the sound of licking, as if a big mouth was cleaning hands and claws.  He shivered briefly and then continued eating. 

“Ahh, good.  Well, I think I’ve had enough for now.”  He tore off part of his shirt and wrapped up the rest of the edible meat, tying it into a small pack.  “We should keep going.” 

Anduin picked him back up and resumed his steady, jogging pace.  He seemed able to travel at that pace indefinitely.  As they travelled, Khadgar questioned him to try and get as much information as he could to help in restoring him.

Gul’dan had poured the Fel into him in small but powerful doses, each one triggering a new transformation.  Anduin described the process as well as he could though his understanding wasn’t great – not simply for the changes it had made in him but also from a basic lack of magical knowledge. The physical alterations had come first; an increase in size and bulk, then the claws, teeth and spikes.  There were also two sets of spines on either side of his head; they lay flat most of the time and he warned Khadgar not to touch them.  Poisonous, apparently, and they’d rise when he fought or sensed threat.  And the experience of receiving all of the modifications had been very, very painful.

As unaccustomed as he was to hate, Khadgar’s loathing of Gul’dan swirled in his middle like Fel.  _Someday I’ll kill you.  I’ll get my sight back somehow and I’ll watch the life leave your eyes because of what you’ve done.  Someday I swear it._

It was sunset by the time they reached the northern edge of the Redridge Mountains.  Nothing had bothered them along the way – any ordinary animals avoided them and the more aggressive beasts Anduin had either frightened off or killed.  He located an old Orc axe at one point and took it with him, sharpening the rusted blade with a stone as he loped along.  And when it became too dark to travel he found a spot against a rock wall and they settled down for the night.

He held Khadgar against him, curling himself around the mage’s smaller body.  Anduin's body produced enough heat that Khadgar didn’t need a fire to keep warm through the night, even if it hadn’t been a safety issue to make one.  With his head tucked under Anduin’s chin and his body cushioned by large arms, he found it surprisingly easy to sleep.


	6. The Way Home

“I’ll guard, you sleep,” Anduin had said as Khadgar drifted off to sleep.  But the low rumbling snore that woke him at some time during the morning told him that Anduin’s exhaustion had finally caught up with him.

Luckily nothing had attacked them during the time he’d slept, and Khadgar decided to stay awake until Anduin woke.  While he couldn’t see a potential danger, as long as it or them made enough noise, he’d hear it.

He wriggled into a more comfortable position thinking _, I’m really tired of sleeping on hard ground_.  A bed would be nice, preferably a bed in Stormwind Keep.  As he resettled himself he reached out a hand towards Anduin and stopped suddenly as his fingers encountered something odd.  His hand had come to rest on Anduin’s hip, and it was…furry.  Khadgar carefully slid his fingers further across to the stomach.  He’d not touched Anduin below his chest, there’d been no opportunity or reason to – but this demanded investigation.

It wasn’t just thick hair he realised, it was actual fur.  Anduin normally had a line of hair from his upper chest down to his navel which then joined with his pubic hair – but it had become a lush – for want of a better word – pelt.  It grew over his stomach, down over his hips and continued on down his thighs and legs.  It seemed that his body hair below the chest had morphed into thicker hair at some stage in Gul’dans workings, and then into fur over his lower body.

_No wonder the warlock knew I’d be shocked if I could see him.  If I’d had my sight I probably would have gone catatonic._

Despite the strangeness of it, he couldn’t resist stroking his fingers through it.  It was thick but soft and as his fingers moved they seemed to automatically drift towards his groin.  And he stopped when he encountered Anduin’s genitals.  Anduin’s _significant_ genitals.

His lover had been well-built in that area without being unnaturally large.  This, however, was another level above well-built.  The penis that lay relaxed across his thigh was much larger than it had been, thicker and longer.  Even at rest, it was ….

It stirred as he touched it and Khadgar slid his fingers around it, feeling it warm and harden to his handling.  Anduin’s snores turned to a snuffling grunt as he came awake.  And that turned into a pleased murmur as Khadgar’s hand wrapped around the gradually engorging flesh.

_Is it a good idea to do this?_ He wasn’t sure his body could take this wonderful thing.  He’d adapted to Anduin over the weeks of their relationship so that intercourse wasn’t painful – but that had been in Stormwind, with adequate preparation.  _I’m not sure all the lubricant in the world would make being penetrated by this anything but painful._  

A large hand came to rest on his head and the guttural voice was a little uneven when it spoke.  “Unless you want…me…I’d stop that.”

Khadgar abruptly lifted his fingers and cleared his throat awkwardly.  “Sorry.  I just noticed your fur and got a little distracted.”

Anduin snorted a brief laugh.  “Sure.  I believe you.”

And then he realised… _Normal.  He sounds normal._   Hope flared in his heart.  “Are you…are you feeling more like yourself?”

“Much more.  The body still feels strange.  But I’m thinking, um, clearer.  More me.”

“That’s wonderful!  I’d hoped that would happen.  Your brain was under strain from the massive influx of Fel and the physical changes.  That sort of thing can heal on its own, given time.”

“What of the rest,” Anduin said, as he shifted in place beside Khadgar.  “Will it all..recover?  My mind, my body?”

It was the question he’d been dreading, and Khadgar wondered if a lie was kinder than the truth.  _But he deserves the truth._   “Fact is, I’m not sure it will.  Your mind can recover, yes.  But the body, that’s different.  The physical changers aren’t a trauma, they’re a transformation.  And transformations can be permanent.  Might be permanent, in your case.  There’s only one person who would know the answer to that for certain, and he’s not likely to cooperate.”

“Gul’dan.”  The word was full of loathing. 

“Yes, him.  So not much good is likely to come from that source.  My being blind doesn’t help.  I can’t research anything.  If it’s permanent,” Khadgar said, swallowing the sudden flare of pain, “then we’d have to find someone in the Kirin Tor to look into it.  Not that many of them have much experience with Fel magic.”

“You know it.  From Medivh.”

“I’ve been touched by it but all that did was give me a powerful dislike of it.  And I haven’t had much time to study it.”  He sighed and reached out, felt his hand taken in a larger grasp.  “At the moment our priority is to get back to Stormwind.  Once I get there the healers can take a look at me.  Till then it’s all theory.”

When Anduin informed him that the sun was high enough for safe travel, they set off again, continuing southwards.  They stopped now and then along the way for rest, food and drink, and by mid-afternoon had cleared the mountains.  Once into the lowlands beyond Anduin needed to proceed more carefully.  The area around Lakeshire had been attacked and the town itself sacked by Orc raiding parties.  Some of them lingered in the area and they had to hide now and then as groups moved through.  They skirted the town itself when Anduin told him that there was no sign of humans in the ruins, and continued west towards Elwynn Forest.

And by nightfall they’d reached the edge of the forest and Anduin stopped just past the burnt out tower at Three Corners.  “I think I remember.  I put troops not far from here.  Recon party.  Have to be careful now.” 

While finding troops from Stormwind was exactly what they needed, doing so carried its own risks.  They’d likely be attacked the first moment any of them sighted Anduin, so they had to be approached carefully.  Anduin kept to the fields rather than following the road, and he stopped at one point and crouched down behind a tree, lowering Khadgar to the ground.  “Near the bridge,” he said softly, “Stormwind guards.”

“How many?”

“Ah…six.”

“Right.  You stay here, I’ll go forward and explain.  Can you break of a branch I can use as a stick?”

He heard a small cracking sound and felt a branch pushed into his hand.  Anduin pointed him in the right direction, gave him a brief description of the terrain and sat back to wait.

Khadgar walked forward slowly, tapping ahead of himself to avoid obstacles.  As his feet moved from grass to the more even surface of a road, he heard voices and turned towards them. 

“Look, Captain, someone’s coming.”

“So I see.  Halt, whoever you are, and identify yourself!”

Khadgar stopped.  “Hullo, you’ve no idea how glad I am to meet you.  I’m Khadgar, and I need help.”

He heard steps, the crunching of multiple booted feet on the roadway gravel as the soldiers approached.  “Khadgar?  The mage?  I remember you. I’m Captain Rossier of the Stormwind Legion.  Didn’t the Commander go looking for you?”

“He did, and he found me.  Sort of.”

“Where is he?”

“Right.”  Khadgar took in a deep steadying breath.  “This will take some explaining.”  Which he did, providing a quick rundown on the events.  “The thing is, he looks very different, but he is totally not dangerous to anyone here.  Can I trust you, Captain, to control your men if he comes out of hiding?”

“Certainly.  Anyone who attacks without my orders will regret it,” the man said in a grim voice.

“Good.”  He turned back the way he’d come.  “Anduin, you can come out now.”

He heard the rustle of greenery behind him and the sudden shocked voices of the troops.

“Hold your weapons!”  The Captain’s voice was equally shocked but firm.  “Good lords of light, he’s….”

“Yes, I know.  We both need to get back to Stormwind as soon as possible.  I’d appreciate a horse and your protection.”

All of which was provided.  Anduin was able to greet the Captain, knowing him as one of his own men and despite their natural concern at his appearance, they recognised him and followed his commands.  Khadgar was helped up onto a horse, Anduin took its reins and they set off for Stormwind at a brisk canter.


	7. Home at last

“Can you see anything now?”

“No.  Still black.”  He heard the healer sigh as she laid a cool hand on his forehead.  Each time she’d tried something else he’d waited, breathless, hoping for some spark of colour, some lightening of the black, but all her attempts had failed.  “Looks like I’m stuck this way.”  He tried to keep his voice light despite the pain in his heart.  Her hand stroked briefly through his hair.

“Don’t give up yet.  I’m a Priest, perhaps my kind of healing power isn’t the type required to fix this.  A Kaldorei druid might have better luck, their power is natural magic.  While the cause of the damage was non-physical, the damage itself is of the flesh.  Nature magic might be more successful in correcting it.”

“Might.  Yes, I understand.  I think you for your attempts.  I think I’d like to rest now.”

He heard her steps fade away as she left him.  Khadgar fisted his eyes, wiping away the tears he’d tried very hard not to let loose.  At the sound of his strangled sob a large body wrapped itself around him, arms cradling him against a broad chest.

“Don’t do that.”  A big hand stroked his damp face.  “Please don’t.”

He turned into Anduin’s body, pressing his face to the warm chest.  “Sorry.  I’m just tired or I wouldn’t.  It’s been a bad few days.”

The hands lifted him off the chair as Anduin moved across the room.  “Lie down with me.  You need to rest.” 

He didn’t argue; it felt so good to lie, clean and fed and in the safety of Anduin’s arms.  He smelled of soap and clean skin and he stroked his face across the firm skin, his hands resting above Anduin’s heart.  “You know, I don’t mind how your skin feels now,” he said as his fingers lightly padded the muscled chest.  “It’s thicker somehow, but warm.  Like suede.” He lifted his face and Anduin’s mouth touched his cheek, a rough tongue cleaning the tears away.

“Everything I am is yours, you know that.  Although I’m not much to look at anymore.”

As stressed as he was by his own issues, Khadgar felt Anduin’s pain.  “Who cares what you look like.  You’ll always be Anduin Lothar in here,” he said, running his hand above Anduin’s heart.  “And if I can’t regain my sight, I’ll find someone, somewhere, to help you.  We won’t stop trying until we do.”  He gave a frustrated grunt of annoyance.  “If only I could **READ**.  I could start looking through tomes on transmutation and physical transformation.  I know there are whole bunch of them at Karazhan, and a number in the Dalaran library as well.  And arcane tomes have…”  And he stopped as a thought struck him.  “Arcane.  Something about Arcane vision….no, Arcane Sight.  I read that somewhere…”  He wracked his mind trying to remember the source.  “An old book.  It had a history of some of the basic magics from the time of the first arcane mages…where was it…”  He jumped up, banging his head against Anduin’s chin, making them both yelp.  “Oww, sorry, damn it.”  Rubbing his head and Anduin’s chin, he continued to search is memory.  “I remember!  It was here!  In the Library, back in the old stacks, nearly falling apart.  I need to find it, and you need to take me there so you can be my eyes.”

“Right.  If I remember how to read.”

Khadgar blinked as Anduin stood and picked him up.  “Can you read? I didn’t think --?”

He felt the rumble of laughter.  “Me not so dumb ogre, me big AND smart! Of course I can read, unless it’s in some weird mage language.”

Khadgar gave a snort of laughter.  “Right, ogre.  Take me to the library, if you can remember the way…”

After scaring away the couple of students in the library, Khadgar settled himself at a desk, gave Anduin as precise a description as he could of the book’s location and appearance, and sat back to wait.  It took some time; Anduin gathered everything that even looked like the right book, which wasn’t helped by Khadgar not being able to recall its exact name.

“Well, do you expect me to remember the name of EVERY book I browse through?” he said, after an annoyed Anduin carried back the fifth load of unsuccessful finds.  But eventually his hands touched the right one.  “A Treatise on Magic” was it’s simple name; the poor thing was half hanging of its spine and some of the pages had actually come loose from the binding.

“Now, check the index and look for something about sight.  Arcane sight, magic sight, something like that.”

“Hmm.” He heard the sound of pages turning.  “Well, here it is.  Arcane Sight.  That it?”

“That’s it.  Read me what it says.”

The first section was a general overview of the magic theory and at first Khadgar thought it was a dead end since it mainly concerned viewing items at a distance by means of arcane items.  “I’m not sure if it’s useful.  It’s a simple viewing crystal that a mage can cast forward for a limited amount of time to locate sources of arcane power.”

“I don’t know much about magic,” Anduin said, “but couldn’t you like, adapt it or change it?”

“Hmm.  Maybe.  I might be able to retune it to view visible light spectrums and not just arcane magic.  But I can’t have it floating around, that’s too limiting…”

Anduin carried Khadgar and the book back to their rooms and sent someone for food and drink while Khadgar considered the theory.  He ignored the food for so long, wrapped up in his thoughts, that eventually Anduin forced him to sit, and literally hand-fed him.  Khadgar laughed at that.  “Thank you daddy,” he said, smiling as the big fingers offered another piece of butter-soaked bread to his lips, “but I can feed myself y’know.”

“Seems not. And that huge yawn means you need to sleep.  You’ll think better after rest.”

Grumbling, Khadgar pulled off his clothing, leaving just his underpants and light shirt, and slid into the bed next to Anduin.  He started thinking out loud about possible solutions and finally Anduin shut him up by kissing him.  It was a very careful kiss from a man now possessed of a pair of fairly sharp incisors coming down from his upper jaw over his bottom lip, but there was more than enough space between them to kiss Khadgar’s smaller mouth.  Khadgar hummed happily and wrapped himself around his lover’s torso, his arms sliding around Anduin’s neck. 

“Gods…” Anduin’s voice was a low, hungry rumble.  “I love you so much.”  He licked his way down Khadgar’s neck, the fangs carefully pressed back against his jaw.  “I want to…but I can’t...”

“Maybe later we can…”  Khadgar’s voice hitched as Anduin pulled his cotton shirt over his head and licked down his chest, sucking gently at one nipple.  “Wait.  Just…wait…”  Khadgar moved lower and pushed the top of Anduin’s pants down, dragging them over his hips.  He sought and found the warm genitals, gathered Anduin’s cock in his hand and bent his head to take the rounded head in his mouth.

Anduin growled and twitched his hips, pushing the cock a little deeper into Khadgar’s mouth.  One large hand came to rest on the back of Khadgar’s head, the other touched his back, fingers pressing into the skin.  And Khadgar continued his ministrations, eyes closed as his tongue swirled around the enlarged organ, moving his mouth up and around, sucking and licking, holding it at the base with both hands.  He took the head in his mouth again and moved up and down on it as far as he could – which wasn’t all that far, given its size.

It took only a few minutes of such treatment for Anduin to achieve full arousal and he groaned, struggled upright, sank back down again, seemingly unable to coordinate himself under the exquisite feel of that hot, wet mouth on him.  He shook, fisted the bedding and arched his hips up and came with a shuddering groan.  There was too much for Khadgar to take in and he lifted his mouth away, catching Anduin’s seed in his hands and letting it run back down over Anduin’s thighs where it was coated in soft fur.

He slid upwards across Anduin’s chest, legs on either side of his hips, and rested his face beneath his lover’s chin.  Hands that still shook a little rested on his back and, lulled by the thudding heartbeat, he drifted off to sleep.

And when he woke, some hours later, he realised that even in his sleep, his unconscious mind had worked on the problem, and come up with a possible solution…


	8. Light, and Hope

Khadgar ran his fingers over the gem, feeling the smooth edges, then touched each of the facets with his tongue to check for any bumps or imperfections.  He’d found his tongue was much more sensitive to tiny differences in texture, although Anduin’s comments were frequently distracting.  He seemed to find the image of his lover tasting a large, perfect diamond to be somehow erotic.

“I’m not doing it to turn you on, for goodness sakes.  I’m making sure its evenly cut and smooth and hasn’t got any bumps...”

“Yes.  I believe you.”  Something touched his ear and he put up a hand, encountering a stubby finger.  “You could lick this, see if it’s got any bumps.”

Khadgar laughed and pushed the finger away.  “Funny, very funny.  Now could you please stop interrupting me, at least for the next few minutes.  I need to infuse it.”

He heard Anduin sitting back against the wall.  Anduin couldn’t fit into any of the chairs in Khadgar’s workroom and usually ended up sitting on the floor.  “Alright, I’m out of the way.  Go ahead.”

Khadgar was already doing just that.  He balanced the gem between his left index finger and thumb, and touched the top of the highest facet with his other index finger.  He’d worked for two days on an altered form of the older Arcane Sight spell, changing the wording and gestures to focus on light rather than arcane sensitivity.  The first few attempts on cheaper crystals had not gone well; they’d either shattered or simply not worked at all.  This one, a blue-white diamond around the size of a thumbnail, was his last hope.  He'd realised he needed the most perfect light refracting source he could find, which was a flawless diamond.  The Stormwind gem master had cut the diamond for him to his specifications.  A holy priest had blessed it, filling the diamond with holy Light, and had confirmed that it was very softly glowing.  It was now or never, it had to be done before the Blessing faded.

He tapped the top of the gem as he spoke the first part of the incantation, then gestured, moving his fingers around the gem, feeding the arcane power into it.  He felt the tiny vibrations as the stone shivered with the influx of power and he prayed… _please don’t break…_ But it was a diamond, the hardest gem, it should be alright.

And then it was done.  “Well, now I find out if I’m any sort of a mage.” 

He lifted the gem and fitted it into the specially made gold bracket that the healers had worked into the middle of his forehead.  The small holder was set into the skin and bone of his skull, between his eyes and above the bridge of his nose.  The diamond slid into the bracket with a slight _click_. 

He waited, heart thudding, and then…

Then he saw the light.  Just a tiny spec, like a spark in a dark night.  But it grew, from a spark to a gleam.  Light….finally….

Khadgar gasped and staggered and he thought he heard Anduin’s worried voice but he was too absorbed by the wonder of the light to immediately respond.  After so long in darkness, the feeling of that glorious glow in his mind was almost overwhelming.

Finally he managed to speak, his voice shaking.  “I’m…I’m alright.  I can see…light.”  He blinked, the light flickered as his eyelids opened and closed and what had been formless radiance began to assume detail.  At first it was fuzzy, indistinct and he worried that it would be no more than that.  But as seconds passed the blur began to clear as if he were coming out of a pale fog into the clear light of day. 

He was looking at his desk and he reached forward and grabbed a book.  “I..it’s…”  Khadgar stumbled around and then –

He saw Anduin.

“Oh Gods.”  The book fell from his hands and hit the floor but he hardly noticed as he stared, open mouthed, his renewed vision full of Anduin Lothar’s astonishing body.

He saw blue eyes, Anduin’s eyes, watching him with pain flowering in their depths.  The eyes were almost the only recognisable thing in that alien face.  “You’re….”

Anduin sagged back against the wall, features tightening.  “Ugly?  Hideous?”

“Green.  You’re green.  And…amazing.”

Anduin laughed abruptly, chest heaving.  “You sure you’re not still blind?  Or a bit crazy from having a gem stuck in your head?”

Khadgar just stood and took everything in, cataloguing the body of his lover.  Hair the same colour as before hanging down to wide shoulders capped by spikes.  Those dangerous spines peaked out from his hair above larger pointed earlobes.  He was wearing short leather pants made for him by the leathersmith for modesty’s sake, since that thick, lush skin looked more than able to be armour by itself.  And the fur that he’d been fascinated by gleamed dark brown against the jade-coloured skin.  And although he knew Anduin was large, seeing him ‘in the flesh’ was stunning.  He was bigger than an Orc with enormous bone and muscle bulk.  “No wonder you can just pick me up and carry me around.”  He stepped closer and touched Anduin’s arm.  “You really are very strong, aren’t you.”

Anduin smiled crookedly, the big fangs sliding across his lip.  “You could say that.”

“Well,” Khadgar said, making a place for himself on Anduin’s thigh, “not that you aren’t impressive and all, but now I can see, I can start trying to find a way to undo this.”

Anduin lowered his head and nuzzled the side of Khadgar’s face.  “Yes please.  Oh,” he said, stroking a finger around the gem in Khadgar’s head, “this looks nice.  You really are a very clever mage.”

 _If only I’m clever enough_ he thought as he stroked the intriguing features and ran a tentative finger down the sharp fangs.  _And if I’m not, what does the future hold for both of us…_


	9. A Moment of Decision

Days turned into weeks, and still Khadgar was no closer to finding anything that could reverse Anduin’s physical state.  He researched every book, tome and scroll he could find mentioning anything relating to transformations, he contacted the Kirin Tor and discussed it with mages most experienced in the more esoteric forms of magic – and had come up with nothing. 

And as that time passed, he realised how unpleasant life had become for Anduin.   Even his sister found it difficult to accept him as he was, and the rest of the Court and army upper ranks were equally disturbed by him.  Intellectually, they knew it was Anduin – but the sight of him, so hulking and unfamiliar, was a cause of continuing unrest.  And each time he met with another horrified look, another pointing finger, a shocked glance or look of disgust, he became more and more disheartened.

One thought kept popping up into Khadgar’s mind.  At first it had been simple to ignore, while there were other avenues to research.  But with each dead end the idea strengthened. 

Gul’dan.

There was no one on Azeroth who knew more about the Fel than the Orc Warlock.  He had created the transformation and if anyone would be able to reverse it, it might be him.  At first it had been a ridiculous idea – even assuming it was possible to reach him, how could be persuaded to do it?  What possible reason would he have when his aim had always been to create more of such creatures, not undo what he had already done.  What could Khadgar do to convince him, what price would he seek to consider it?

Finally he decided that the answer to that question was one that only the Orc himself could provide.  He knew his plan was dangerous, probably stupid, certainly unwise – but he went ahead with it anyhow.

He did some quiet investigation into scouting reports, and found that Gul’dan’s main group had moved away from the inactive portal to a point closer to Stormwind, not too far from Lakeshire.  With the excuse of checking out books in Karazhan’s wrecked library, Khadgar borrowed a gryphon and overflow the area, finally locating the Orc camp on the site of the wrecked township.  It was relatively easy to land out of sight and, once he’d located Gul’dan’s quarters, he waited until dark, slipped into the camp using an Invisibility spell and waited in the old inn that Gul’dan had selected for his own use.

As soon the Orc entered Khadgar froze him and put up his own shield.  Gul’dan’s first reaction was anger, quickly followed by surprise.

“Khadgar!  How did you…”  And then he saw the gem in Khadgar’s forehead and nodded.  “Very clever, some form of arcane sight I presume.  Though if you came back to brag of your mage skills you won’t find me…”

“Be quiet.  I have a question and I don’t have time to waste.”

Gul’dan shrugged.  “Go ahead then.”

“Can you reverse what you did to Anduin?”  He was tense, listening for any sign of activity outside the room, but also watching for any sign that Gul’dan would counter the freezing spell.

“Ah, so you haven’t managed to undo my work?  I’m not surprised.  As to whether it can be reversed – yes it can.  But the cost is rather high.  Probably higher than you’re prepared to pay.”

Khadgar edged slightly further away, shifting his shield with him.  “Why don’t you just tell me and I’ll judge that.”

“Very well.”  Gul’dan’s eyes were hooded and slightly amused.  “As you probably know, it is possible to pull Fel energy from a living form, reverting it to its original state.  However, that process is rather…fatal.  The only way to overcome the destructive force that removal of Fel involves is to infuse the body with the life energy of another.  No, not Fel magic, which I’m sure you were thinking of.  While that is the result of taking life energy from a living being, it is converted to power within my body.  The actual pure life force would need to be funnelled into the Commander through an arcane bridge to contain it.  In other words,” he finished, smile growing, “it would have to come from a wielder of the arcane.  A mage, in fact.”

A cold lump formed in Khadgar’s stomach and he wavered in place, as if his world had shifted off centre.  “You’re lying!”

“Am I?”  He shrugged.  “Perhaps I am.  However, it isn’t something you can verify by testing.  I will tell you this, though, young Khadgar:  I am actually telling you the truth now.  I have no reason to lie, because I know – we both know – that the only way you can return your lover back to his normal state is to sacrifice your own life.  And that idea appeals to me on many levels.”

Fury swelled in his heart and mind and his hands shook.  “I should kill you.  Right here, right now, for what you’ve done.”

“You can try.  The moment you lower that shield to attack me – well, let us just say, there are few certainties in life, young mage.  You beating me in a one-on-one magical duel is one of the uncertainties.”

Given his current state of mind, Khadgar couldn’t argue with that.  He began the portal incantation and sigils and the last thing he saw as he vanished from Gul’dan's presence was the twisted, satisfied look on the evil face…


	10. A Change of Mind

The words on the page had started to blur so badly that Khadgar wondered momentarily if his eye crystal had become faulty.  Eventually he realised it wasn’t that; he was stressed and tired by hours of searching for something that continued to elude him.  No matter how he searched for a clever solution, some trickery to avoid his own death, there didn’t seem to be any magical secret way out from this prison, this one way trip to his ending.

Eventually he went for a walk, to try and clear his head.  He wandered through the castle hallways, head bent in thought, and was so lost to the world around him that it wasn’t until a hand touched his shoulder that he stopped, abruptly.  He looked up into Taria Wrynn’s concerned features.

“Khadgar, I called to you twice and you didn’t respond.  Are you alright?”

“I’m so sorry.  I’ve been very distracted.  I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

She slid her hand under his arm and tugged him forward.  “Come along, you need to sit down, have a cup of tea with me, and relax.  You’ve been worrying yourself sick about my brother for days.  Perhaps,” she said, overriding his attempt at an excuse, “you need to just talk to someone else about things.  Sometimes another perspective can provide insight.”

It seemed that Taria was one of those people who felt any problem could be solved with a nice cup of tea.  It wasn’t just the tea of course, it was the company.  Taria Wrynn was one of the calmest and most serene people Khadgar had ever known; she ‘d faced the sort of grief and loss Khadgar could only guess at.  Yet still she faced life with a wide open, assured gaze, unbowed by her pain.  As he sat talking to her, that calm flowed into him along with the tea.

Finally she got around to his problem, and he found himself telling her something he’d meant to tell no one.  She nodded as he spoke, watching him carefully, and she put her hand on top of his when the worry and pain he’d held in for so long threatened to bubble over.

“The fact that you are even considering doing that for my brother shows how deeply you care for him.  But…” she paused, frowning, “you seem to be placing a lot of faith in what this Gul’dan says.  Are you sure he is correct?  Or even telling you the truth?”

Khadgar opened his mouth to confirm it and then paused, eyes narrowing.  “I…you know, I’m not altogether certain.”  He blinked.  “And that’s awfully naïve of me, isn’t it.”

“Well,” Taria said, refreshing his tea, “from what I’ve heard he’s quite a cunning creature.  He might have told you enough of the truth to make it plausible.”

Khadgar rested his chin on his hands.  “But that puts me back at where I started.  If it isn’t the fix, what is?”  He looked at the Queen, eyes unfocused.  “I still think the principle is reasonable.  But it might not take all of my life energy…”

“Or perhaps an entire life energy, but taken from a number of people?  Could it be that a lot of people could give a little, rather than one person give all?  Is that possible?”

“That is indeed an interesting idea.  The problem is quite simple, when I refine it down to its core.  Anduin’s body had been manipulated by the Fel, his very structure changed into a pure fighting machine.  The residue of that Fel is still inside him, giving him great strength and endurance.  It would also provide an empowered berserker rage if the need ever arose.”  Khadgar grabbed a notebook from his belt pouch and began taking notes with a pencil.  “He’s not a demon, he isn’t possessed by one as Medivh was. I can’t just siphon the fel off no matter how careful I am because it’s part of him, in all his flesh and bone.  If it’s entirely removed to enable his body to revert to normal, the result would be Anduin alright, but it would a dead Anduin.”  He made some calculations of the power required.  “This is quite theoretical but the figures feel right.  He needs to have his life sustained through a process that is, in effect, an alteration of his very being.  And I have to provide a replacement for the Fel’s removal, by way of a substantial input of life energy at the same time.”

“So if it was possible to gather it from a number of people, how many would you need?”

He sucked in a deep, thoughtful breath.  “A dozen at least.  Including me.  It would have to come through me as the arcane capacitor, and then into him.”

“Would the people who donated that life force be hurt?”

“I wouldn’t think so.  Life energy does return in time if only a small part is lost.  They’d feel a little weak perhaps, but nothing more than the effects of recovery from a bad wound.”

“That sounds perfectly fine.  But,” she said, reaching out to take his hand, “the first thing you need to do is discuss this with Anduin.  No,” she said, forestalling his head shake, “you must, Khadgar.  He is entitled to a voice in decisions regarding his own life.  I know you want to protect him, and that’s a noble sentiment, but he’s an adult, not a child.  He has to be told.”

So it was that an hour later Khadgar stood in front of Lothar’s office, staring at the panelling and forcing himself to take the handle and open the door.  It was one discussion he was very much not looking forward to….

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short piece, I know, but I had to get it rolling again and stop being distracted.


	11. Night Interlude

Adjusting to the changes hadn’t been easy, but the oddest thing was how tall he was.  Everyone was smaller than him, more fragile, weaker.  It had taken so long to adapt, to keep his movements controlled.  A wave of his hand could break bone, a careless turn could smash walls.  And he avoided mirrors because to see himself in them was to want to shatter them.  He could hardly go through life shattering things that reflected what he’d become.

But of all of them, all of the ones who should trust him or care for him and who couldn’t quite look him in the eye,  a short, not terribly strong, rather untidy and clumsy and almost blind young man didn’t look away.  Khadgar was totally unafraid of him.  Khadgar wanted to be near him, and never looked aside. He was always seeking contact; to be held and to hold, to get inside his space, hold his arm, share his enthusiasms and ideas, as if the thing he was with wasn’t a monster at all.  He wasn’t pretending; Lothar was enough of a judge of people to know that.  Khadgar looked at him and saw Anduin Lothar.  Everything else was superficial.

If he’d loved Khadgar before Gul’dan, it was nothing to what he felt now.  And the mere idea of him dying to revert Anduin back to his former self was terrifying.

“Forget it!  I won’t let you do it.”

“But you’re not listening!”  Khadgar stomped back and forth in front of Anduin, his sightless eyes following Anduin courtesy of the shining gem on his forehead.  “I said I won’t die.  Not if I only provide part of the necessary life energy that…”

He thumped the table, making it bounce.  “And can you guarantee me, absolutely guarantee me, that you won’t?”

“Anduin, of course I can’t.  Every major working carries risks.  Every time I open a portal there’s a risk.  Every time I gather the power to launch an arcane blast, there’s a risk.  Power – carries – risks.  Can you guarantee your troops that when they go into battle that they won’t die?  You can’t, and they don’t expect you to.  No,” he said, moving forward to put his hand over Anduin’s clenched fist, “listen to me.”  His voice softened, his mouth curling into an affectionate smile, “you need to trust me.  You have to trust that I know what I’m doing.”

He took hold of the smaller hand carefully, gently.  “Of course I trust you.  Problem is, you might push yourself too far, might kill yourself by accident because you were trying too hard.  You said yourself, accidents happen.  It’s safer not to do it at all.”

Khadgar put his free hand on Anduin’s chest and pushed him backwards.  Well, pushed him the way he wanted him to go, because he didn’t have the strength to budge Anduin’s body an inch.  But Anduin backed up obediently, shuffling until his legs hit the side of his strange nest-bed.  He sank down and Khadgar slid on top of him, pulling his clothing off with that quick, odd skill of his to derobe in moments like an insect shedding its skin.  He wrapped himself around Anduin’s body, all arms and legs and squirming pleasure, his face pressed against Anduin’s chest.  As a distraction, it was world-class.

Anduin curled his arms carefully over Khadgar’s back, stroking the warm skin in sweeping strokes from buttocks to head and back.  “Are you trying to seduce me into agreeing?”

“Would I do that?”  A damp tongue licked one large nipple.  “Surely that wouldn’t work, would it?  Hmm?”

Anduin laughed, his chest vibrating, making his warm burden shake.  “No, not at all.  But keep trying, you never know…”

It was odd how Khadgar loved lying on top of him.  Part of it was due to Anduin’s body heat; he was a few degrees above human normal, something about increased metabolism – which went partway to explaining how he got hungry six times a day.  But the rest was simply that the young man liked to cuddle.  He’d always been affectionate in their intimacy, but had grown even more so from the time he’d been blind and come to rely on touch more for his understanding of the world.  Touching Anduin, he’d never needed to bother with what his eyes couldn’t show. 

Anduin gently stroked the untidy hair.  “Tell me you will be alright.  If you tell me, I’ll believe you.”

“I’ll be alright.”  Khadgar sighed as his eyes closed, dark lashes lying against his cheeks.  “You just have to hold onto me and not let me go…”  And his voice faded away as he drifted asleep, and Anduin wasn’t sure if he was talking about right at that moment, or for what was to come, because there was an odd sense of portent in those words…

 


	12. His Decision

Khadgar wondered how his eyes felt tired even though he didn’t actually use them anymore.  _It’s probably all in my head, literally.  I’ve read so much my brain thinks my eyes should be tired._ Which would be perfectly acceptable if all that reading had resulted in more than a headache.

The frustration finally became too much.  With a furious snarl he shoved the piles of books off onto the floor, grabbed the edge of the desk and reefed it up and over.  It slammed into the wall, propelled by a burst of angry magic.  Pieces of the desk flew out and struck him and that just made him more angry and frustrated and…

“Hey, what’s going on here?!”

He whirled around to see Anduin standing outside the door, peering in.  Khadgar’s anger melted into misery and he slumped onto the floor in the middle of torn books and wrecked carpentry.  He picked up one of the books in a shaking hand and fiddled with the ripped pages.

“I’ve broken it.  Everything is wrecked.  I can’t fix things.  I can’t put things…back together.”

Large feet appeared in his line of sight, followed shortly by a big, sadly familiar body as Anduin sank down to sit beside him.  “Khadgar, talk to me.”

He looked up into the disfigured, beloved face.  “I can’t do it.  I’ve searched and searched, and there is no way to do it.  I thought there would be.  Gul’dan lied to me.  I can – I can take the Fel from you.  But I can’t take lifeforce and give it to you.  It’s something only someone like Gul’dan can do.  He tricked me,  gave me a false hope.  I can’t..”  He coughed, trying to clear a suddenly tear-choked throat.  “..help you.”

Anduin’s head dipped and he sucked in a deep breath.  “It isn’t your fault, love.  You’ve done everything you can.  But are you sure – I mean, not about the lifeforce thing, but are you sure you can’t take the Fel back, change me back without it killing me?  If he lied about one thing, maybe he did about the other too.”

“I thought of that.  He might have lied but the only way to test that is to try it.  If he didn’t – then you’ll die.  That’s the really twisty part of it all, not knowing if he lied about the truth, or told something like a truth about a lie.”

“I’m not sure I understand that, but it’s probably good I don’t.  It would show I was as messed up in the head as you.”

Khadgar gave a choked laugh and leant forward so that Anduin could hold him.  Somehow nothing seemed so stuffed up when he did that.  He took in a deep, shaky breath, his fingers stroking over the warm, rough skin of Anduin’s arm.  “I **am** messed up in the head.  I don’t know why I thought I could do it, I guess I’ve just always had such faith in magic, that it was able to do anything.  But it has limitations, just like I do.”

“Well, you did take it from Medivh without killing him, after all.”

“Yes, but he wasn’t transformed, he was possessed.”  He considered it, letting his hands rest in Anduin’s larger ones.  “But he did survive the process, even if being crushed was what actually killed him.  Which it probably was.  I don’t know…it’s just too risky.” 

A big finger tipped his chin up so that he was lying back in Anduin’s arms and looking up into his eyes.  “That’s for me to decide,” he said gently, “it’s my life, after all.  And it’s a really simple choice.  Live like this and end up wishing I was dead, or die as a man.  Given that choice,  I choose to go out of life as I came into it.”  He cupped Khadgar’s tear-streaked cheeks.  “And if I do die, you aren’t to hold yourself responsible.  There’s only one who is, and you can feel free to make him pay for it any way you wish.”

It took time for Anduin to bring Khadgar around to accepting his wishes.  As much as he hated to admit it, Anduin was right – it was his choice.  What convinced him finally was the memory of his blindness, and how he’d wanted to die.  He could hardly fail to give Anduin the same right.

He wasn’t sure it would help, but Khadgar arranged for the best healers in the city to be present – hopefully they could sustain Anduin through the process and keep him alive long enough for him to renew his lifeforce naturally.  Anduin was given a number of potions to strengthen him, to raise his already powerful stamina even higher.  And when the time came, even though the room was full of healers and Taria and all of them were anxiously preparing themselves to lose him, Anduin sat cross-legged on the floor and looked only at Khadgar.  If he was afraid, he didn’t show it.  His faith in Khadgar was humbling.

Khadgar bent and kissed his lover, putting all of his feelings and love into that touch.  Hands stroked his hair and he pulled back, senses full of Anduin, of his touch and smell, his taste and the wonderful strength in the distorted body.  “If you go,” he whispered, “wait for me in the Light.  I’ll join you soon enough.”

Golden eyes brightened and he nodded. Khadgar stepped back, calmed his shaking nerves, and concentrated all his abilities on Anduin’s body.  He sensed the Fel, he could hardly not.  It was everywhere, through every part of him.  Carefully, as gently as he could, he reached out and began to draw it to himself.  But no matter how gentle he was, he couldn’t stop it from hurting.

It started as panting, a slight moan, a twist of the head, twitching of the muscles and it grew from there as Khadgar pulled harder, forcing it from Anduin’s body in a dreadful, livid stream.  The moan turned into a howl and he sobbed, wanting to stop but unable to.  As he did the healers went to work, mending abused tissue, muscle and bone as it flexed and bent.  His body fought the drag and Khadgar had to pull harder until Anduin was writhing on the floor.  And finally, his body began to obviously change.  The green started fading, turning to a lighter shade, then to a yellowish-green and then graduating down to human coloration.  He shrank, almost seeming to collapse in on himself like a pierced balloon.  Spines shrank and disappeared, skin reformed into normal flesh, the two big teeth shrank back into Anduin’s jaw.  And the fur on his legs slid back into his skin as normal hair.

He was almost back to normal when one of the healers turned to Khadgar.  “You have to stop.  We can’t keep him alive any longer if you keep going.  Is it enough now?”

Khadgar lessened the pull and watched for a moment.  Anduin wasn’t completely back to normal; he was still larger and bulkier than his old self but the colouration, the fangs and claw and spikes, were all gone.  He arched himself upwards and released the Fel inside him into a stream that shot up through the ceiling and beyond.  Then he dropped, exhausted, as the light faded and the last thing he heard was Anduin’s fading moan.


	13. Finding the way home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this sitting on my computer and had tried to put in a 'love scene' but it just didnt work and I didnt want to force it, so I hope this rather short piece provides a satisfactory conclusion.

He floated through a place of nowhere and nothing but it was peaceful there, as he drifted slowly towards an immensity of Light.  There was no sensation, no feeling, no pain or weakness and no blindness.  There was just knowing that the next stage of his journey lying not too far ahead of him.  The idea of going somewhere so wonderful tugged him forward to where all his potential futures were gathered and all his possibilities were fulfilled.

Yet even as he flew free he felt something tugging at him.  At first he ignored it because it was behind him and the tides were easier ahead.  But then there came the sense of a voice calling to him, drifting down the path from life.

_Khadgar.  Come back to me.  Don’t go…._

Memory came along with that voice.  Feelings followed it; love, loneliness, wanting, friendship, strength.  The dreams of the Light seemed insubstantial compared to those feelings and he wanted them, whatever the cost.  So he turned away from the light and fought his way into the current, his spirit driving upwards into his body, from one kind of Light into another - - -

Sunlight fell warm on his face.  And…

 _Snoring._   Someone was snoring. 

It was such a living, normal, everyday sound that a weak trickle of laughter bubbled up from his chest.  Even that was a struggle.

As his senses turned on, one after another, he felt other things.  He felt arms around him, breath stirring his hair, his skin was warm where it lay against something firm but comforting.  He smelled perspiration and mint and realised he was very thirsty.  And finally there was sight. 

He was being held across a lap and the snoring was coming from the one holding him.  The chest rose and fell with each sleeping breath and he moved his head minutely to look up.  Beard hair tickled his cheek and he saw that the face above it was shadowed and weary, even in sleep.

Then the eyes open and focused and he knew the moment Anduin saw him awake.  His breath hitched, the arms tightened and his eyes widened.

“Khadgar!  Gods, Khadgar…” 

Then he was lifted closer, surrounded by arms, held and kissed and it felt very good.

“You were snoring,” he whispered, stroking the bearded face carefully.  He felt Anduin shake, but it was laughter, good, healthy laughter.

“I guess I was.  I thought…the healers said… you were gone, they couldn’t sense your spirit and I thought I’d just sit here and hold you so you wouldn’t be alone when you …went.  But I was tired, wanted to stay awake but..”  The voice dissolved into something very close to tears.

“It’s alright.  I **was** dying I think.  But I heard you.  Maybe because you were asleep, you were nearer to me in your dreams.  So I came back.  Because, you know, I _always_ do what you tell me to do.”

And that earned him another laugh, affection and humour and relief all mingled together in the sound.   He settled himself more comfortably, not fighting the lingering weakness, content to just rest and recover.  He tried to see more of Anduin’s body.  “So, did it work?”

“Yes, sort of.  I’m not green, as you can see.”

Khadgar stroked one of the hands holding him.  “Thank all the small gods of good fortune for that.  What else?  You seem to have recovered well from the effects of the reformation.”

“It took hours, and the healers worked very hard to keep me going, bless them.”

“I’ll think of some way to thank them later.  So how long was I..?”

“Away…three days.  Three very long and miserable days.”

Khadgar sighed, his vision fading in and out as exhaustion started to catch up with him.  He ran a hand along one of the arms holding him, frustrated at his weakness.  “ You don’t seem as large as you were.”

“I’m still a bit on the bulky side but at least I fit through doors now.  Some of that odd skin you like stayed in patches here and there, but the spines and the tusks and so on are gone. Nothing I can’t live with. You do good work, spellchucker.”

And then, as the normal exhaustion caught up with him, the sunlight and voice slid away.  But it was simply sleep, normal rest and he knew he could do that, could fall into that comfortable rest because it didn’t take eyes to see that he was safe and home, at last.

 


End file.
